


Always Been Yours

by YoungTheRestless



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Burlesque, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhibitionism, First Dates, Fluff, Happy Ending, Host Clubs, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23667493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoungTheRestless/pseuds/YoungTheRestless
Summary: He Tian and Mo Guanshan go on their first official date as a couple. Unexpectedly, they end up running into some familiar faces, and Guanshan does not handle it well. He Tian tries his best to make things better.
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 231





	Always Been Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I went through and fixed a couple continuity errors, but the story still reads the same! I'm so glad so many people like it!
> 
> I have read every single 19 days fic and I'm fiending for more. Unfortunately that means taking things into my own hands 💪. I have millions of ideas and would like to continue publishing but I don't have a ton of free time because of school and stufff. I'll write as much as I can, though!
> 
> I won't claim to know what it's like being gay in modern China, or whether China has any LGBT positive clubs at all, but if they do, this is what I imagine happening when TianShan attend one for their first date as boyfriends. The boys are aged up to 22. Also I plan on using "He" with a capital H to refer to He Tian sometimes, simply in the interest of having more names available to use.
> 
> Please forgive my excessive use of ellipses!
> 
> Also sorry, but I feel like the boys will be slightly OOC. They are both 7 years older and one of my biggest pet peeves is lack of communication as a plot device. I wanna write about healthy relationships so these boys are gonna be quite a bit more self aware and eloquent than their 15 year old selves.

Two young men stopped before a large, dark, intricately carved wooden door. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the dank concrete hallway littered with debris and covered in graffiti. It had taken them nearly 30 minutes of navigating back alleys, switchbacks, and underground hallways to reach it. The shorter of the two men had wondered aloud at one point if his date had finally decided to put him out of his misery. His companion merely laughed.

The secrecy of this club was understandable. It was actually a burlesque-style lounge with performances by both men and women, both of whom also served cocktails in skimpy outfits. This was one of the only LGBT-positive clubs in China. One of the swankiest as well. The rich and refined with particular tastes liked to use it as an escape from prying, judgmental eyes.

The taller of the two men knocked, and had a short exchange with the club's security guard before the solid wooden door was pushed open from the inside.

The man turned to his redheaded partner, gesturing for him to enter first.

Stepping into the club was like stepping into a different world. The interior was dark and moody. Music pulsed through it in a way that made the soft orange lighting seem to pulse right along with it. It was not so loud that you had to shout to be heard, just loud enough that you had to lean in intimately to speak with your companions, giving patrons a cozy sense of privacy.

It had a long bar along the side wall, with a large stage and catwalk on the back wall facing the door. The curtains were closed and the stage lights low. The place was filled with couches in a variety of sizes, which faced the stage and were all a deep red velvet. Each couch had its own low table and a small, dim lamp that made the entire room glow with soft orange light. Most of the couches were full, and the club was quite busy, belying the silent stillness on the outside.

As soon as he walked in, Mo Guanshan had sighed in relief that the hidden away club wasn’t one where they would be expected to dance and go crazy. It was bougie as hell, though. Most of the patrons he could make out in the dim lighting were lounging on couches while smoking cigars or sipping on cocktails.

As they were led to their reserved couch, He Tian, the taller of the two, snagged his date's hand. Guanshan was a bit distracted at that moment, having noticed a pair of businessmen being entertained by two male dancers. Mo couldn't stop staring at the display, watching the hosts' hands run over each other while the four of them conversed.

At the feeling of the warm hand enclosing his, Guanshan turned forward and opened his mouth to complain, until he noticed the look in He Tian's eyes. They looked solid black, shaded by his shaggy fringe and the dim lighting. They shone with amusement at Mo's blushy face, but there was no mistaking the hungry light deeper within. He had definitely noticed Mo watching the group.

Guanshan flushed dark and had his classic glare on deck when He Tian blatantly pulled his bottom lip into his own mouth, biting it. It caught Guanshan's eye, as intended, and those amber eyes remained locked on that clever mouth until the corner twitched up into a sly smirk. Guanshan snapped out of his trance and really glared this time, and blushed even harder as he looked away and muttered, “Fuckin tease".

That earned him a dark chuckle as He Tian turned and pulled him into the recesses of the club, Guanshan's hand-holding objections forgotten.

They passed many an amorous couple, of many apparent orientations, but luckily, everyone seemed to be keeping it pg-13. Guanshan was relieved to notice that. He hated the awkwardness of seeing someone he didn’t expect to strip, naked. He Tian had warned him that it was this kind of club, of course, and Guanshan had initially flatly refused the date, but he was eventually convinced by a surprisingly well-thought-out argument.

Mo couldn’t even remember He Tian's reasoning right now, even though it had been so convincing at the time. As they were led toward the main stage, his doubts and anxiety began ratcheting higher and higher.

Jesus, what if they saw someone they knew in here!? This…relationship was so new for them. Guanshan had only two weeks ago, while lounging on He Tian's couch after dinner, finally addressed the elephant that had resided in He Tian's apartment for nearly a decade.

It was an emotional mess of a conversation. At the end of it, he confessed to He Tian that as long as he didn’t feel rushed, he would like to try the whole…romance thing...if He Tian was still interested.

Of course, He Tian had been ecstatic. Guanshan was actually shocked at how happy Tian was in that moment, and how happy it made _him_ feel to see it.

\----------

He Tian had been practically the definition of persistent since Mo met him. After 7 years of teasing, pushing each other's buttons, and spending every moment they could spare together, Guanshan had finally recognized the dark-haired man's intense desire, no, _need,_ to love and be loved in return. It made Mo's vehement denial of his own feelings seem like the most stupid waste of time in the world.

He knew from the beginning that Tian _liked_ him, of course, he just never understood it. Surely he couldn't be serious, right? Mo didn't feel like he deserved anyone's devotion. He felt like one day He Tian would suddenly realize what a terrible, disgusting person Mo was and would finally get over him. He waited for it to happen, but it never did. Mo Guanshan had spent years asking him silently, _Really? THIS is really what you want?_ And every time, without fail, He Tian had responded, _Yes. It's everything I could ever want._

Momo learned early on that those icy grey eyes, so cold and hard when needed, were a warm grey-hazel if you looked close enough. Constant support, validation, and affection slowly broke down Guanshan's defenses, and convinced him that maybe he did deserve what he was being offered, and maybe he should stop caring about what anyone will think or say. He finally accepted that he could be loved, and that a large chunk of his own heart had developed a fierce fondness and desire for the other man in return.

It was now two weeks into their relationship, and Guanshan realized he had not known what he was in for.

He thought he knew how deep He Tian's touch starvation ran, but it was quickly apparent that the dark haired man had been holding himself back. Instantly, the 2-3 inches of personal space Mo had battled for years to maintain, was dissolved entirely.

Whenever they sat on the couch they were pressed together shoulder to ankle. On the subway he leaned against Mo's back and rested his cheek on his shoulder. And those damn hands...if Tian had a hand free, it was touching Guanshan. Whether simply resting on the redhead's thigh, stroking his wrist, or gently running the backs of his fingers over a freckled jaw, He Tian just _couldn’t stop_ touching him.

It wasn't like these were things He Tian had never tried before, of course, but back then, Guanshan had never tolerated it for long.

Mo had no idea what to do with himself, now. He had never had such reverence directed at him, and he didn’t know how to react. He had promised himself that he would stop and think before reacting violently to He Tian's advances like in the past, but it was so hard when just catching his eye was enough to make his heart jump and red flush from the tips of his ears to the tops of his shoulders.

There had been a couple times that Guanshan had almost gotten overwhelmed by the affection and wanted to lash out, but the look in He Tian's eyes was so profound that Guanshan couldn’t bring himself to complain. Tian looked so in awe, yet also nervous. It was like he was afraid it was all a dream, and he had to have physical proof to believe it was real…that Mo Guan Shan is actually, finally, his.

Their interactions changed a lot, and although it was nerve-wracking for Mo at first, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Tian still teased him, still fucked with him, but now, when Guanshan would get pissed and get in his face about it, instead of his childhood instinct to punch Guanshan in the stomach or put him in a headlock, when he saw that quiet, broody, redhead get so loud and passionate toward _him_ , He Tian just couldn’t take it. His heart would melt immediately and his attempt at a cruel smirk would be quickly replaced by a warm, loving grin. He started to surprise Mo with a soft kiss when this happened, which annoyed the shit out of Mo because all it took was a single peck and Guanshan couldn't even remember what he was so mad about.

Tian had also continued his favorite pastime of pestering Mo in the kitchen, of course, but now instead of just being obnoxiously intolerable, he was so much softer. Two days after Mo's acceptance of the 7 year courtship, He had quietly walked up behind Mo, who was cooking dinner for them after a long day. His left hand gripped the edge of the counter, and his right landed on the small of Guanshan's back. He slowly ran it up his spine, and over his shoulders and neck until his long fingers softly tangled in red hair.

Mo had initially tensed up at the touch, but couldn’t help but relax when he felt his scalp begin to get massaged. He Tian began murmuring into his ear, asking what Shan was making and how his day at work was, all the while playing with his hair and nape, and standing close enough that Guanshan could feel a cheek brushing his ear and his chest pressed to his back.

He was so damn warm!

The fingers in his hair sent pleasant sensations down Momo's spine as he attempted to focus on making their dinner while talking to the man at his back. He could feel every breath on his neck and ear, and became more and more flustered about He Tian's closeness.

Eventually, Mo snapped. All it took was a teasing comment for Mo to stand up straight from his relaxed semi-slump, place his spoon in the spoon holder, and spin around, prepared to give He Tian a piece of his mind. As soon as he did, though, he found himself eye to eye with the other man.

He parted his lips to speak, but his words just wouldn't come out. He could only glare mutely as his eyes danced over the face so close to him. Up until that point, they hadn't shared much beyond a few chaste kisses, but of course that wasn't going to last for long.

The next thing Mo registered was the feeling of two warm hands holding his face gently, and a pair of soft lips sliding against his own, lovingly. The fight left him in a shuddered sigh and his hands latched on to the dark haired man's hips. He reveled in the sensations, and his chest tightened at the nerves he could feel in the ever-so-slight shake of He Tian's breath. Mo felt completely content for the first time in his life as the part of his heart that he had neglected for years sighed: _Finally_.

\----------

He Tian had been nervous to bring Mo to this club. He had originally suggested this date because he wanted to show Mo Guanshan what it was like to be around…people like them. That they weren’t the only ones who loved another man in a country so brutally against it. He was afraid it would freak Momo out, but the young couple actually had a lot of fun.

Guanshan had originally slumped down into their couch, instinctually trying to hide his shock of red hair. He Tian didn’t mind, though. He just scooted closer and put his arm on the back of the couch above Red's head.

After the show began, Momo gradually relaxed into Tian's side, and even laughed a bit at some over-the-top performances, but no matter how funny or raunchy, nothing on stage could distract He Tian from the warm body on his hip and the head nestled against his neck.

After the show, the dancers wandered the couches, and patrons were invited to relax among the company until the bar closed in the next couple of hours.

He Tian looked down, “Do you want me to call over a dancer?” and smirked at the expected stormy look on that freckled face. “Hahaha alright, alright, lets get the check and head home.” That seemed to mollify his date.

The atmosphere of the dark bar was getting cozier and cozier as the night drew to a close. They had each had a couple drinks already, and Shan was feeling relaxed and buzzed. Too buzzed to pretend to be upset over his and He Tian's closeness anymore. As they sat and continued to drink, their world narrowed to just the two of them, murmuring in each others ears and occasionally having a slight tussle or chuckle.

The next time the cocktail waitress came by to check on them, Guanshan had migrated from being curled up next to Tian to having his legs swung over the other's lap, He Tian was semi-reclined to the side, with his left hand on Mo's knee and his right arm leaned on the armrest, holding up his head so he could look down at Guanshan, who was laying with his head nestled against Tian's right bicep.

Once He had finished addressing the waitress, sitting up slightly and asking for their tab, Little Mo began feeling a bit more bold. When He turned his head back from addressing the waitress, Guanshan let his hand rest on He Tian's chest before sliding it up to his neck, then to his jaw. He watched his date's adam’s apple jump slightly and felt a thrill in his stomach. He knew now that he had just as much power over He Tian as Tian did over him, if not more.

His fingers gently pulled He Tian's chin over and down, and he tilted his own up to meet his lips.

He Tian sighed contentedly, and his long lashes fluttered shut. The hand that was on Guanshan's knee slid up to his waist, to pull him closer while his other arm snaked under his shoulder until his hand landed on the back of his lover's neck, fingers playing with that red scruff like they loved to do.

The familiar feeling reminded Mo exactly who he was here with. He was here with the man that had been by his side for a third of his life now. The one who would give or do _anything_ to make Guanshan's life easier. The redhead now finally understood it was all out of love, a reason he could not have fathomed at 15, when everyone in his life outside of his parents was trying to take advantage of him.

Thinking so loosely and feeling so intensely made Guan Shan forget himself a little bit. There was too much space between them. He wanted to be closer to this man. He glanced around. The place was much less busy than before, and it was so dark...what could be the harm?

As soon as the idea came into his head his breathing sped up, and he pushed He Tian away by the chest, guiding him to sit up straight. Tian looked confused but followed along. When he was sitting up, Mo slowly pulled his left leg back, turning toward his date and spreading his knees till he was slotted onto his lap perfectly, and they were pressed together from thigh to chest. He placed his hands around Tian's neck and swooped back in to continue where they left off.

He Tian's breath caught. He was honestly shocked. Guanshan had only just started to initiate things when they were alone, and now he was crawling into He Tian's lap?? In public?? It was almost too good to be true. Although he knew it was likely no one would even look twice at the familiar sight, He Tian's subconscious was purring with the knowledge that he finally got to show off the one he loved without being pushed away.

It was so exhilirating that he knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with doing this just the one time. He was already addicted to the feeling of Mo wrapping around him like a cocoon, blocking out the ugly world with his shy affection. After a couple minutes of passionate kissing, Mo pulled away again and He Tian opened his eyes. His little Mo's brow was only slightly furrowed, and his eyes shone with both nerves and happiness. They wandered over Tian's face as his own dark eyes drank in every minutiae of Guanshan's open, flustered expression.

His eyes landed on Mo's mouth again, captivated, and he returned his hands to the redhead's hair and attempted to pull him back down and continue where they left off.

They were interrupted by the front door opening and the sound of a large group entering the quiet bar. People had been coming and going all night of course, but this was the first time Guanshan's distractible ass was facing the entrance.

He glanced over absentmindedly as he was pulled forward, but as soon as he saw who walked in, he froze up and straightened back, away from his lover's mouth. He ducked down and began scanning the room in a panic, looking for an escape route. Tian was instantly alert.

“Mo? What’s wro-“ his voice was cut off as Guanshan practically tackled He Tian down to the couch, dragging him by his neck.

“Shh! No! Don’t look!” He whispered vehemently.

“Momo!” he responded, concerned. “Who could you possibly be so-" he pried Mo's hands off him and peeked above the back of the sofa to see what had freaked the ginger out. A bachelorette party, no doubt bar hopping for the last couple hours before last call. A normal sight at a club, but it wasn’t just _any_ bachelorette party, oh no, it just _had_ to be a big group of He Tian's old fangirls.

Apparently, 4 years out of high school didn’t break up the friend group, and one of them was now engaged. He Tian had no idea how the group could have known about this place. They must have really been looking for something extra scandalous for the bride's last free night.

He Tian noticed they were walking toward the standing bar. It was directly behind the couple's couch, meaning the whole party would soon be only feet behind them, and there’s no way they wouldn’t notice their favorite high school crush.

Shan was in a panic. As soon as he saw those girls it was like he was snapped back in time. Back to his painfully shy 15-year-old self, when he would walk by He Tian, meet his dark grey eyes, and feel the sharp squeeze of a stuttered heartbeat.

Back to when his brain would stream a constant supply of imaginary jeers from those girls, should they find out how he really felt about their idol.

“Wow, what a disgusting little freak!"

“Hahaha, that creep thinks he can get with our Tian? Please."

“Obviously He Tian just likes messing with him, and honestly it is pretty funny to watch!"

Of course in all these imagined situations the dark haired boy was laughing along and agreeing, his arms slung around a couple of them. No matter how much logic he tried to apply to the situation, Mo Guanshan's mind would not let him live a moment down. And so, his face would automatically crumple into a sneer in the direction of the popular boy and “his girls". He protected himself with harsh glares and even harsher words.

He was hearing and feeling those things again, even as he laid on the sofa with He Tian facing him.

His date's mind was racing to think of how to fix this shitty situation. He knew this whole vulnerability thing was hard for Guanshan. He Tian had gotten over his own self directed homophobia quite a bit earlier than Mo, and was much more comfortable with his sexuality than the other was.

He didn’t want this event to ruin their night, or worse, make his redhead afraid to come out in public with him again. He knew how hard Momo was trying, _for him,_ and it made him so happy.

\----------

Before two weeks ago, he had been perfectly content to shutter his true feelings for Mo if it was the only way to keep Momo in his life. He didn't need anything but that little frown and he could be satisfied. Or at least, that's what he told himself.

He'll admit, in the past seven years, there had been times where he thought he should give up. He thought that Mo was finally fed up with him, and that by hanging around he was simply making things awkward. The constant rejections hurt. A lot. But those sweet few stolen seconds of feeling that skin on his own or running his hands through that soft red hair made it all worth it.

Guanshan's acceptance had come as a huge shock. They had been sitting on He Tian's couch that night, stomachs full and eyes heavy, while the tv played some kind of nature documentary.

Tian knew that something was off. He could read Shan like a book at this point in their lives, and he had been more jumpy and fidgety that day than Tian had seen him in several years. He kept sitting up and putting his elbows on his knees, only to sigh and lean back a minute later, his arms folded across his chest. Not to mention the dozens of sidelong glances he kept shooting He Tian's way.

He was nervous. Was this it? Did he finally push Mo too far? He thought back to their interactions over the past couple of weeks, trying to remember if he had done anything wrong that would trigger this change. Guanshan had been unusually docile, and He Tian had caught Mo staring at him much more than usual. He'd assumed it had something to do with work. Mo had taken on quite a few shifts recently, maybe he was just tired? He hoped it was just work, at least. A docile Guanshan was unfamiliar, dangerous. If Mo had a problem that could be fixed, he would throw a fit about it.

He wracked his brain, thinking of all the possible things that could be running through that ginger head while watching the fidgeting man from the corner of his eye. Well, if Momo wanted to get rid of him, he was going to have to say it. There's no way He Tian was just going to see himself out. Hell no. He had fought too damn hard to get Mo to even call him his friend. So, he waited anxiously.

An hour later, the credits were rolling on their documentary. He Tian couldn't tell you a single thing that had happened in it. He turned to his companion to ask about his plans for the rest of the night to find those intense amber eyes already staring back at him.

Geez, this was getting weird. He hoped Mo would say something soon, this pressure was killing him. He maintained the eye contact, and whatever Mo was searching for, he seemed to find. His eyes looked resolved as he sat up straighter, turning his body toward Tian, who did the same in return.

Oh God, here it comes.

"He Tian."

"...yes, Little Mo?" He was relieved his voice wasn't shaky. He couldn't remember being this nervous in his life.

"We've known each other for a while."

"Uh, yeah...a few years now."

"We spend a lot of time together."

"I mean, that depends on your definition of 'a lot.'" He got A Look for that one. It was a relief though, a feisty Mo was familiar.

"What I mean to say is...is this what you want? Are you...happy?" Tian was stumped by that one. Happy? Of course he was happy. He got to see his best friend every day. He got to eat homemade meals. He had someone to talk to, who treated him like a human being and not an idol or an inconvenience. What was there to complain about?

Ehh...well, he could think of one thing, actually. But he had long ago accepted that that thing was not in the cards for them.

"What do you mean, Momo? Do I seem upset to you?"

The redhead thought for a second. "Not upset, but...not happy. I can see it in your eyes sometimes. You think you're good at hiding it but you can't fool me, bastard." He glared at Tian. "You always want to do things for me, to help me, but never ask for anything in return...besides the beef stew." He smiled to himself for a second before looking serious again. "I know what your childhood was like. I know that you have never been given what you need...emotionally." He cringed a little at himself. Jesus Christ, what was this, Dr. Phil?

He Tian's throat was suddenly very tight. He chuckled, but it sounded forced. He didn't know what to say. He had to look away. He didn't realize Mo was so insightful...that he was noticing such personal things, or that he remembered the childhood stories He Tian had mentioned only once, on a particularly drunken night a couple years ago.

"That's why I want to know...what do you really want?"

 _Is he asking what I think he's asking?? Shit. Shit! Fuck._ He knew that he was not particularly subtle about his affection and sexuality, in particular when they first met, but he thought he was hiding it well! Why was Mo asking these things _now?_ If he tells him the truth, the real truth, would he just use it as a reason to break off their friendship? He could totally imagine Mo saying something along the lines of: _I can't make you happy, and you deserve someone who does. Please stop torturing yourself and go find a boyfriend._

Mo was watching his face intently, what little he could see of it. As soon as he brought up He Tian's family, those grey eyes had been obscured by his bangs. Did he go too far? Family stuff wasn't exactly his business...

He Tian took a deep breath to calm himself. He was not a coward. If Mo wanted to know the truth, he would tell him the truth. Hopefully the redhead will still want to hang out every once in a while. Tian didn't know what he would do if he had to go cold turkey on his chili pepper. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, and kept his eyes fixed on his hands folded together.

"No. No, Little Mo, I am not happy. But I am satisfied. You don't need to change anything for me."

"Fucking...stop that!" His shoulder was smacked hard.

Tian looked up, "Huh?"

"Stop being some sort of self-sacrificing knight in shining armor. You changed your whole life for me. Don't think I didn't notice! You don't get to decide what I do in response! Tell me right now. _Please._ You can tell me. You _know_ that!"

"Not this." Okay, maybe he was a coward.

"Bullshit!"

"If you're asking what you seem to be asking, it means you already know."

"No. I want to hear it. I need to hear the words coming out of your mouth. Tell me what you _want!_ " He Tian was sitting up now, facing Guanshan aggressively. He raised his voice to hide the waver in it.

"Fine. FINE. You wanna hear me say it? I'll fucking say it."

"GOOD!"

"FINE!"

He Tian took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed. Here goes nothing. "I want...I _want_ you to let me touch you, hold you. I _want_ to wake up next to you every morning. I _want_ you to fucking move in with me! I _want_ to make you happy every goddamn day of the rest of my life." His voice was getting quieter as his eyes opened and looked down at his hands, fisted in his lap.

Once he started, though, the words kept tumbling out of his mouth like a waterfall. He gained strength and momentum again as these intense emotions finally poured out of him. There's no way he could stop it now, even if he wanted to.

"Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear that I'm obsessed with you? Huh?? That every time you've ever smiled at me plays on a loop in my head when I try to fall asleep in this godforsaken empty apartment?? Do you wanna hear that I have a different life with you that I daydream about like a goddamn teenage girl??" His voice was definitely wrecked now, goddamn it. The tears were starting to fall.

"I'm _fucking_ in _love_ with you, Mo Guanshan! I've _been_ in love with you since two fucking weeks after I met you! And I'm sorry. I know you don't want me the way I want you. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel like I can't handle being your friend, because I have already accepted that that's all I'm gonna get and I'm satisfied with it. Just please...please don't leave me. I may not have all the things I wish I could, but I'm satisfied with what I do have. Okay?"

".....okay."

"Okay...well....what does that mean?" He asked grouchily as he looked up and blinked tears from his eyes to see Guanshan's face only a few inches away. He was crying too. Why was he crying?

"I can't pretend I didn't suspect a couple of these things...but I can't make life decisions based on hunches! You never told me any of these things before!"

"I didn't want to scare you off. I'm...a lot to handle. Loving me is a hard job. I didn't want you to feel pressured to-"

"Whoever said that loving you is a hard job is either the stupidest person alive or just plain cruel. I don't feel pressured and I know I can handle you. I want...to give it a try."

Tian blinked. "...give what a try?"

"This! You and me, you chicken-dicked bastard! I want it too. Okay? I realized a while back that I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore. You've been taking care of me, whether I liked it or not, the whole time you've known me...but I want you to feel taken care of, too. I can't make any promises or big confessions, because I'm still sorting through how I feel, but I'm tired of this being so one-sided. I've been a coward and that's not the man I want to be. I'm just...sorry it took me so long."

He Tian's eyes and mouth were wide open in shock and his pulse was hammering in his chest. His tired, emotional brain couldn't process what was happening right now, surely he is misunderstanding something. Was this real life? "I have a requirement though." He Tian just nodded dumbly. "We have to go at my pace. I've never done any of this before. I'm....afraid. But as long as you are here going through it with me, I think I can handle it."

He Tian was crying again but this time for a different reason. He was getting emotional whiplash tonight. His heart was absolutely soaring and his mouth was stretched into a huge smile.

"Little Mo!"

Mo looked at him warily. "...what? GAH!"

He Tian suddenly tackled him back onto the couch. Arms wrapped around his neck and waist, and a tear-stained face pressed into his hair.

"I don't think you understand how happy you've just made me!" He was actively crying and laughing at the same time. The jubilant sound echoed in the big apartment. He kissed the side of Mo's head before sighing, "I think this might be the happiest I've been in my life."

Mo's face warmed where it was buried against Tian's neck. He grumbled something into his shoulder.

"Hm? What was that?"

"I said stop fucking yelling and kiss me already, bastard!"

He Tian was smiling so hard his cheeks felt like they would fall off. He leaned in to oblige.

\----------

Looking at his lover now, He Tian was frustrated. He put in a lot of work to open up his spicy little oyster, and he'll be damned if he was gonna let anyone snap it shut again.

He thought for a moment. He had to act fast if he wanted to intercept Guanshan's thoughts. It had only taken a little while of knowing him to see how his toughness had been cultivated to defend his sensitive heart. He'd noticed the anxiety Mo had around people, and the way that that anxiety could twist anything into Mo's proof that he was alone in the world.

When they first met, Guanshan had made it clear that he thought He Tian was nothing but a lowlife asshole who liked to play with people's feelings. At the time, he thought Guanshan was just saying those things to get rid of him, but knowing what he knows now, it's more likely that Momo actually believed it. He had believed that Tian was only hanging out with him to string him along and play games with his heart.

He Tian had a good amount of confidence back then, or at least he tried to look like he did, but even _he_ had days where the pain and shame of being so _different_ and _alone_ would nearly bring him to his knees. Having an anxiety disorder at the same time would have been crippling. He can only imagine the hell Mo went through, believing for years he was a big gay freak. He Tian was honestly amazed at how strong his Little Mo was.

Now that Momo had finally accepted his sexuality and He's affection, it was time to set the record straight. He would not have _his man_ feeling inadequate in his presence. That shit was unacceptable. If Guanshan was going to work hard and be vulnerable, then so would Tian.

Little Mo was laying with his hands clenched in He Tian's shirt and his eyes squeezed shut. He Tian leaned in close. Their faces were only a couple inches apart. “Guanshan," he called softly. He waited till Mo looked at him. His face was screwed into a harsh scowl and he was gritting his teeth.

"Fuck off."

He wore a murderous glare, but his watery eyes were breaking He Tian's heart. He could tell Mo was slipping back behind his walls, trying to cling to the anger to avoid crying from the intense feelings of shame and embarrassment . “Did I ever tell you about the day I realized I was gay?” The amber eyes suddenly looked shocked, and he shook his head.

He Tian smiled. Just as planned, he had Mo's attention, now. “One day, I was hanging out at school, our middle school, in fact. Now, for a long time I had had a bit of a hunch about my sexuality, but no hard evidence, so I was just kinda rolling with it, thinking, hey, maybe if I become close enough friends with these girls, I will eventually learn to love one of them enough to date or even marry her. I don't know what the reasoning behind that was. I was 15, a.k.a.: stupid.”

Mo's mouth twitched at the corners. He agreed. 15 year old He Tian had been incredibly stupid. Tian moved closer, angling their heads so he was whispering in Guanshan's ear now. He grinned. “Then one day, that _hard evidence_ finally appeared."

He pressed his hips firmly against Mo's, making him roll his eyes and whisper “Idiot." with a blush.

Tian just smiled. “When I first laid eyes on you, I couldn’t look away from your lips,” as he spoke, his hand came up to brush his thumb across Mo's bottom lip. Mo shivered at the feeling, remembering that day, when he had gotten a close up look at those stormy grey eyes for the very first time. The gossipy girls hadn't even done him justice, not that Shan had acknowledged that thought at the time. “And later that afternoon, when you walked past me in the hall, we made eye contact, and,” he licked his lips while Guanshan waited with bated breath, “I got hard in my pants, like, _instantly_.” his mouth split into a grin as he chuckled self deprecatingly.

Guanshan couldn’t help but gasp in shock and snicker at the admission, but He wasn’t done yet. “When those damn girls gathered around me and blocked your path, for the first time ever I wanted to tell them to leave me the fuck alone. But your annoyed face was so cute I just couldn’t.”

“Bastard!” yelped Guanshan as he punched He Tian in the shoulder. His face was red, but he looked up and realized that Tian was blushing too. Even though he was grinning like an idiot.

“I was so afraid to admit how I felt, but I didn’t have any idea how to show love. Every time we were alone, and especially every time you were nearby when those girls were hanging about, the only thing I could think about was reaching out, grabbing your arm, yanking you to me, and shoving my tongue down your throat. I wanted to touch you, hold you, make you moan, right there in the school hallway. I wanted to do it till the girls got so embarrassed they would never show their faces to me again.”

Guanshan couldn’t help but to let out a quiet groan. Not just at the visual image, but at the fact that he'd had similar fantasies at the time, only a bit more violent. His own fantasies had half involved him beating He Tian to a pulp in front of his girlfriends and half devouring him so wholly that he would never look at those girls again. Most of the time it was a mix of the two.

He Tian pulled back to see Mo's expression. Those brows were furiously bunched again, but he could read the hot desire in his eyes instead of anger or shame anymore. “Tian…” he growled lowly, and licked his lips.

He Tian now wore a mischievous smile as he leaned into his ear again and whispered, "Oh yeah? You like that, Little Mo?"

Mo only growled again and pulled on He Tian's hair until they were forehead to forehead. He nodded, still wearing that scowl and blush.

"Well...you wanna make my dreams come true?"

Mo looked confused for a second before freezing as he realized what He meant. He didn't think it was possible to blush any harder. "You chicken dicked bastard."

He Tian chuckled. "I'm serious, Mo. When I say I have only ever wanted you, it's not lip service. I've always been yours, from the very beginning. I want them to know that, too. I spent too many years fielding their confessions and hearing them whine about my lack of interest. It was a huge-ass annoyance my entire school career. I wanna answer them once and for all. It's not like we're gonna get this chance again." He waggled his eyebrows at Mo. He looked excited, but quickly sobered when he added, "Of course, I won't force you. If you want me to lay here with you until they leave I will happily do that. It's up to you."

Mo considered his offer. He would be embarrassed as shit if they did what the dark haired man was suggesting, but he sure as hell was not going to back down from a challenge from this conniving bastard.

He suddenly felt a rush of determination. _He’s right_ , he thought. _He's mine_. _Mo_ was the one on a date with the man they were all in love with. _He’s_ the one who got to know what it felt like to be caressed by those fingers, to hear He Tian say his name in a fond tone with a soft smile attached. _He’s_ the one that's allowed to touch and kiss this man _whenever he fucking felt like it_. Not because He Tian was screwing with him, not because He was settling, but because Tian had never wanted _anyone_ or _anything_ else.

Guanshan felt breathless. He really did love this man. Why did it take him so damn long to do anything about it? _Oh right_ , he thought…the whole _feelings_ business. It still terrified him, but he knew he wasn't going through it alone.

He Tian must have seen the determined look in his eye, because he slowly began sitting up, and offered a hand to his date. He sneaked a peek over his shoulder and saw that the ladies were now at the bar only a few feet behind them, and would likely notice him at any moment. In fact, in his peripheral he already saw one of the women focused quite intently on him, with a scrutinizing expression.

As soon as he saw her eyebrows raise and her mouth open to say something to her girlfriends, he felt Momo grab his hand, and he pulled his chili pepper back into his lap. Guanshan's eyes flicked over and noticed the one girl with her eyes on them, which were getting wider and more shocked by the second, as she desperately waved her hand to try and hit the arm of the girl next to her without looking away. Both of He Tian’s hands settled on Guanshan's hips before gliding up, over his upper back and neck, to slide his fingers into the strands of coppery hair.

That anxiety was rising again, but when Momo felt those hands in his hair, and he looked down at those half lidded, warm grey eyes, he didn’t need to think about anything else. He just melted back down into his body, placed his palms on Tian's chest, and met him in a dirty kiss.

Apparently He Tian had been serious about his fantasies earlier because their lips hadn’t been touching for more than a couple seconds before his hands were directing Guanshan's head to angle, so he could slip their tongues together in a way that had Mo's toes curling and his hips pressing forward, causing He Tian to groan needily into his mouth.

If they had been looking, they would have noticed that one by one the group of women had fallen into shocked silence, as they had each noticed the raunchy display and who was doing it. Some were looking absolutely appalled, some were looking triumphant, but all of them looked completely shell-shocked. This had definitely not been on the list of expected sights for the night!

If the music had been any quieter, the men would have heard their loud whispers: _“I fucking told you guys! I knew it! I fucking told you!!!”_

_“Ugh shut uppp I can't handle this right now!”_

_"Is this actually happening?"_

_"Best wedding gift ever!"_

_"Daaaaamn what's in this drink?"_

Their lips eventually separated from each other with a wet smack as He Tian pulled Guanshan away by his hair so he could access his neck, ear and jaw. They were both breathing a bit hard at this point. Mo rested both his arms on He Tian's shoulders and opened his eyes. He made eye contact with the women, who all looked like they had just gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Mo just smirked at them.

That smile would be the first and only one they ever saw on that grumpy face, but it wasn't any old smile, it was loaded with significance. It declared, loud and clear, _"_ _You never had a chance_."

The smile disappeared a moment later when he was jolted by He Tian wrapping his hands around his thighs and standing from the sofa, before placing Mo on his feet.

He pulled his wallet out and dropped cash on their table before saying “Let’s go home, babe" with a smirk and an arm tossed around a burning red neck. The redhead grumbled a stream of insults at him for that petname.

Before they stepped away, He Tian looked over his shoulder at their former classmates, grinned, and called out, “Goodnight ladies, congrats on the engagement!" before winking and gliding out the door. Ever an enigma, but at least he had finally answered the question they had contemplated hundreds of times over the years at hundreds of sleepovers and lunch breaks:

_Why the hell does He Tian always choose that dirty redhead over us??_


End file.
